After the birth of my first child, when I gained 30 lbs.
during my pregnancy, I went down in clothes sizes, and bra size, sad to say.
After my second, where I only gained 9 lbs, I was even smaller. At that point,
I was in my early 20s, and I maintained that weight, without any modification of what I ate.
Towards the end of my marriage, when I was 30, my ex told me I was too fat,
and that was one of the reasons he was wanting other women. Good grief, here I am, not quite 5'4',
weighing about 110 lbs, and taking Dexatrim, an over the counter diet pill, to get thinner for that jerk!
Between starting the pills, and then going through an ugly divorce, leaving me with little appetite, as well
as not enough money to eat at times, I dropped to 100 lbs.
I saw how men looked at me, and women felt threatened by me.
I wasn't after their husbands, but they were sure that by being small, I was going to entice
their husbands away. Of course the men looked, but not because they wished their wives had
less weight on! They looked because they saw a woman, recently divorced, and wondered if
I was needing to get laid!
When I met the man I married, he kept telling me to gain weight,
to eat more, to take care of my body. He saw bony shoulders and ribs, not a sexy woman.
He would bring me sweets, take me out to eat, cook meals, and do whatever he could think of
to add weight to my body. He was in love with me, not my appearance.
I did gain some weight, and I felt good.
I looked good, to my eyes, because I regained my confidence, and he accepted
me for who I was, let me be me. I did have a good figure, and now that I've gotten
to middle age, I suddenly find all this sagging! It bothers me, but he sees me the
way I was. I know I need to exercise more, for health reasons, but I try not to think
of the extra skin hanging.
Health is the issue, not the actual size.
Some people can have the extra pounds, but are physically fit. They get
enough exercise in their daily lives, but they enjoy their food, too.
Here I am, with high cholesterol, mostly produced by my body, while
others who are larger have no problem with theirs. It is how you feel,
what your doctor sees when he examines you, checks out your blood tests,
does other tests that are important. There is no difference what size
you wear, as long as you are well. It is up to you to have the image you want of yourself.
One of my dearest friends is a very large woman.
She is so confident in herself that her size 26 doesn't matter to her.
She is in good health, according to her doctors, and she is a very sensual woman.
She dresses in sexy lingerie, corsets, crotchless panties, well, you get the picture.
She feels good about herself, and that is where it matters, not the actual scale.
I so admire her for being able to laugh about her weight and enjoy her life.
The media has brainwashed us that women need to
fit into little clothes, be in style, be the image they create for us to follow.
There are so many diets out there that all these books do is cause confusion.
If it has no fat, it has high carbs, but if it has low carbs, it probably has high fat.
We need to eat healthy and exercise. There is no book that can truly be a guide.
It is up to each of us to know what is best for our bodies, if we want to be well.
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